The Birthday Gauntlet

Okay… I know that I have a big family, but I never really appreciate how big it actually is until around the middle of March. Why March, you may ask? Allow me to explain.

March 20: Jordy’s Birthday

March 27: Dad’s Birthday

April 9: Robert’s Birthday

April 13: My Birthday

April 14: My Cat’s Birthday

April 15: Mom’s Birthday

May 2: Emma’s Birthday

And let’s not forget the two wedding anniversaries that are in there too!

The point is, from March to May it’s basically birthday bonanza. True, there are a few other birthdays sprinkled throughout the rest of the year too, but a majority of them, including mine, are right in the middle of the birthday gauntlet. You might be thinking, “hey, that doesn’t sound too bad, it actually sounds fun!” Haha! No.

You see, each birthday is not just celebrated on one day. In fact, you’re lucky to celebrate your birthday on your actual birthday at all. You have the birthday breakfast on one day, and then you have to wait until the weekend to have cake and presents, and then birthday dinner is usually on a Friday because it’s easy for Dad to get off work easy, and then there’s that one present that doesn’t arrive in the mail until a week later so you gotta round up all the kids in the living room again just to open one present. Gah. AND if you’re turning an even number, you’re also entitled to a birthday party with friends, which is extra cake, presents, games, etc. It’s insane.

Not to mention ALL the cake. SO much cake. Now, I love cake, but after you have an average of two cakes a week, it gets pretty tiring.

So, that’s the birthday gauntlet, and right now, the 2017 gauntlet just beginning. Hopefully I’ll make it out alive.

My Thoughts On Friday

5:00 AM – Ugh *hits snooze*

5:15 AM – Uggghh *hits snooze*

5:30 AM – Okay. Getting up for real this time.

5:45 AM – I should really get out of bed now.

6:00 AM – Crap, I’m gonna be late

8:00 AM – First class. Just 7 more hours until freedom.

9:00 AM – 6 more hours until freedom.

10:00 AM – Brunch already? This day is gonna go so fast. It’ll be the weekend in no time.

11:00 AM – I’m starving.

12:00 PM – When was the last time I even ate? Did I even eat breakfast today?

12:20 PM – LUNCH. Only two more classes after this. That’s only two hours. Which is really one hour two times, which is half an hour four times, which is 15 minutes 8 times, which really means that I have to get through five minutes of class 24 times. Right? Good thing math is next so I can figure this out.

1:00 PM – Algebra. When will I ever use this in life?

1:05 PM – Wow, it must have been at least an hour so far.

1:15 PM – It’s only been fifteen minutes?

1:20 PM – Who even invented math?

1:25 PM – Math is a man made concept which holds no value in every day life. It was not discovered, but invented. Therefore, we should not teach it to our students.

1:45 PM – Fifteen minutes until my last class. And after that, THE WEEKEND!

1:50 PM – This class has taken up more time than all my other classes put together.

1:55 PM – Who just threw a paper airplane at my head?

2:00 PM – Yessss one class left until FREEEEDOMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:05 PM – 55 minutes.

2:10 PM – What am I doing this weekend?

2:15 PM – How do I not have plans? I always have plans on the weekend! I used to be so popular… those days are gone…

2:20 PM – Should I plan something this weekend? So I can post a pic on Instagram to make people think I’m still popular?

2:25 PM – Nevermind, I only have like four friends.

2:30 PM – I’m starving.

2:35 PM – iiiiiiiiiii wwwwwwaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaa dddddiiiieeeeeee

2:40 PM – 20 minutes!!!!!

2:45 PM – Is she seriously assigning homework on a Friday?

2:50 PM – Lalala.

2:55 PM – Maybe she’ll let us out early.

2:58 PM – Wait no, she wouldn’t do that. Teachers don’t know how to have fun.

2:59 PM – Teacher: Don’t put your things away yet, there’s still one minute! (Me, shoving my things into my backpack: WHAT?!?!)

2:59 PM – Wasn’t it already 2:59?

2:59 PM – Okay, this is weird. Like something off the Twilight Zone.

2:59 PM – Um, hello, Time God, whenever you wanna switch to 3:00… we’re literally ALL waiting.

2:59 PM – Any day now.

3:00 PM – FREEDOM.

My Sister Made Me Dress As A Guy

I was forced to do this against my will. Don’t ask. All makeup and stuff done by yours truly.

Items Every High Schooler Must Have!

• Folder for every class!
• Binder to hold your folders!
• One pencil and one spare pencil, just in case the first one breaks!
• A red correcting pen!
• A pencil sharpener!
• Inspirational stickers!
• Post It Notes!
• Colored highlighters!

Wait a second, cut the crap Faith, what are the actual items every high schooler must have?

You’re right, I’ve been lying to you. Forget everything I just said.

Actual items every high schooler must have:

• Tons of food. Like, a lot. You will never have enough food. But don’t pack them in a lunch box, have them float randomly around your backpack. Then, a few weeks later, you’ll find a nice surprise in the bottom of your bag – a rotten banana! Yum.
• Gum. For more info, see my second post. Gum is the only guaranteed way to make friends. If you’re feeling confident, you can even charge them. I suggest 25 – 75 cents per piece of gum, or, if your customer is desperate, a dollar. Also make sure to bring gum for yourself, because chewing it makes you look cool in front of your classmates. However, this also means that you’ll have a crap ton of gum wrappers in your backpack, because you’ll always be too lazy to stand up to throw them away. Just don’t stick your gum on the bottom of the table. Freaking disgusting ya nasty.
• 2 folders, usually torn. You will never remember which folder has which worksheets, and when you are supposed to turn in your homework, you will always, without fail, pick the wrong folder to look in.
• 15 and a half pencils, all of them either without led or without erasers or without both. You will have exactly 1 pencil that works. This is known as The Golden Pencil, however, is will be next to impossible to find when you need it due to the insane amount of broken pencils and gum wrappers in your bag.
• Loose cash. You have a wallet, but whenever you buy food from the vending machine, you never have time to put your change back in your wallet, and by that time, you’re holding up the line, so you just stuff it all into your backpack. This is actually a good thing, though, because one day you will find a random five dollar bill in the bottom of your bag and consider yourself the luckiest person alive.
• Doodle Notebook. This was originally a History Notebook, but that only lasted a couple days before turning into a Doodle Notebook.

The above items are things that every high schooler must have. I don’t care if you’re “organized” or something crazy like that, you are not a true high school student without these things in your bag. Thank you and good day sir.

Fake Chinese Food?

I’m guessing Panda Express is nothing like real Chinese food, but I like to tell myself that it is. It makes me feel adventurous for liking foreign food. But for real though, can someone from China tell me what actual Chinese food is like? Do they actually sell fortune cookies there or is that an American thing?

How do you even make fortune cookies?

Is every single fortune cookie different? Cause one time I got a fortune cookie from Panda that told me I was gonna buy a new pair of pants soon, and I’m pretty sure the fortune cookie writer was just running out of ideas at that point.

Okay guys, don’t worry, I just looked it up on Google. Apparently this guy is the top fortune cookie writer in America.

He’s also apparently quitting because of writers block. Sounds like something I would do.

Whoever this guy is, I thank you for your service, but unfortunately I did not buy a new pair of pants, so your fortune lied to me.

This post started out talking about Chinese food and ended talking about pants.

🙂

When Your Favorite Color Is Pink

1. People automatically assume you are a girly-girl. Luckily for me, this is true. I shudder to think how it must be for tomboys who like pink.
2. Your mother will not allow you to paint your walls pink, or to purchase only pink clothing, because she believes that this is only “a phase”, and once you become an adult, you’ll grow out of it.
3. People are surprised when they find out that your favorite movie is not Barbie and the Princess and the Pauper, but it is in fact The Hunger Games, a fun family film about children murdering each other for money.
4. On a slightly happier note, you will have no trouble explaining to people which shade of pink is your favorite, because all pinks go well together and are equally as beautiful.
5. Buying makeup is probably the easiest thing you’ll ever do, since the number one most common makeup color in the entire United States is… pink!
6. Sometimes you buy clothes from the store Pink just because it is the only acceptable time you can wear clothes that say the word “pink” across the front.
7. Not related to the blog post, but I have just typed the word “pink” so many times that it does not look or sound like a real word any more. Pink. Pink. Pink.

Food – It Brings Us Together

I love food. I love it more than my family and friends. Okay, maybe not more than my family, but definitely more than my friends. In order from highest to lowest, it goes family, food, then friends. The three “f”s of being Faith.

See, the thing about food is that everyone is forced to eat it. Well, unless you’re one of those weird lifestyle bloggers who survive off of pills and the sheer will to live. But for the most part, everyone eats food.

If you eat food, chances are, you like food also. You probably don’t like it as much as I do, because no one can like food as much as me, but you probably like it a lot.

So if there’s one thing that brings us all together, it’s food. Especially on a high school campus.

You see, high school kids tend to like food much more than other human beings, but the tragic thing is, most high school kids are simply terrible at packing their own lunch. In the morning, you’ve just woken up and eaten breakfast, you’re feeling pretty good, and you think to yourself, “I can survive off of half a can of pringles and a diet coke, no problem. School is only 7 hours long, I’ve gone longer than that without eating.” So you and your naive self head off to school, only to eat all your food in homeroom and be stuck food-less for the rest of the day like you’re on a wilderness TV show.

That’s where I come in. You see, unlike most freshman kids in the entire universe, I am actually smart. Crazy, right? So every night, I pack more than enough food for myself, then I pack even more food. Then, when I get to my fourth-period English class, I flutter, angel-like, into the classroom, like a volunteer from the Red Cross giving food and water to starving kids in Africa.

Okay, in reality, I’m just giving pretzels and fruit snacks to the three kids that sit at my table, but it’s basically the same thing.

And the best part is, my food services are free of charge. If you are hungry, you’re automatically entitled to at least four Doritos, courtesy of me. Now, if you’re talking about my gum services, that’s a completely different story. If you have a pack of gum at a high school, you’re basically a celebrity. If you pull out a pack of gum in class, some kid from across the room who you’ve never even spoken to is suddenly gonna be expecting a piece. So don’t blame me for charging kids at school for gum, it’s a business thing, you wouldn’t understand. That will be 75 cents, please.

Yes, I Am Small

People always ask the stupidest questions. “If you could have any superhero power, what would it be?” Um, the obvious answer is flying, and I will fight anyone who tells me otherwise. “If you could be any color, what would it be?” I’d probably stay the color I am now, because I’ve gotten pretty good at matching my outfits and makeup with my skin tone (rule number one: never wear white, unless it’s summer time and you’ve gotten pretty tan – contrast is key).

But let’s not forget the stupidest question of them all – “If you had to describe yourself in one word, what word would it be?” Don’t even get me started on this one. First of all, I’ve lived a good 15 years, so I’d like to think of myself as consisting of more than just one word. Is that all there is to my life? Just one word? Just a few letters?

This question usually occurs during awkward group icebreakers on the first day of school, before you’ve even gotten the chance to know anyone yet. You have to decide right then and there what the most impressive quality about you is, because right from the second you utter that word, you’ve been branded with it. Oh, so you chose the word “funny”? Now the word “funny” will be stamped on your forehead. Every time anyone talks to you, they’ll expect you to tell a joke, and when you don’t, they’ll feel cheated. You can never be creative or smart or athletic, you can only be funny.

I always end up saying something dumb like “small”, mostly because it’s the only thing I can think of at the time. I mean, when you get mistaken for a student when you go to volunteer in your third-grade brother’s classroom, you know it must mean something. So by saying that the one word that defines me is “small”, I’ve automatically let everyone know that I know I’m small, and that I know that they know I’m small. This is basically permission for them to make fun of my height, because really, I’ve gotten used to it, and I’ve probably heard all the things that you’re about to say to me before, and I really don’t care. Yes, I am small. 4’11”, to be exact. No, I have never been sad that I’ll never be a basketball player. This has been a great conversation.